Between Over & Next Episode 35

In this insightful episode of ‘Between, Over & Next’, hosts Holli and Robert sit down with relationship expert Carol J. Bruess, PhD, to delve into the intricate dynamics that make relationships thrive. She has been a researcher, author, social scientist, teacher, and speaker passionate about how humans create happy, healthy relationships and marriages through micro-moments of interaction, ritual, and dialogue for more than three decades. Revisiting a conversation that began in 2008 on their Wedding Podcast Network Lovecast show, they explore the balance between the art and science in marriages, offering listeners actionable advice on fostering strong, loving connections.

Carol emphasizes the power of daily affirmations, kindness, playfulness, and maintaining connections in the digital age. By embedding these practices into daily life, couples can navigate challenges with greater ease. Carol also unveils her upcoming book project focused on empathy and dialogue. Tune in to listen to the full episode for a deeper understanding of these valuable insights on nurturing strong, loving, long-lasting relationships.

In This Episode

0:00 Secrets to Happy Marriages with Relationship Expert Carol Bruess
5:13 The Art and Science of Relationships
8:18 The Power of Rituals and Playfulness in Happy Relationships
21:24 Key Elements for a Flourishing Relationship
27:05 Understanding Love Languages and Family Communication
30:29 Navigating Marital Challenges with Unique Approaches
32:10 The Importance of Generosity in Professional and Personal Growth
35:06 Balancing Digital and Face-to-Face Interactions for Healthier Relationships
39:21 Carol Bruess on Dialogue, Empathy, and Her Upcoming Book Project
42:14 Rituals and the Joy of Shared Adventures
44:07 Navigating Conflict and Growth in Relationships
45:48 Strengthening Relationships and Deepening Connections

Key Takeaways

• Daily Affirmations: Regularly affirming your partner strengthens the relationship and ensures they feel valued and appreciated.
• Rituals of Connection: Small, consistent rituals such as hugs, nicknames, or shared games can significantly enhance the emotional bond between partners.
• Importance of Playfulness: Incorporating playful moments and maintaining a sense of fun helps keep the relationship youthful and resilient.
• Managing Conflict with Grace: Learning to disagree respectfully and granting each other grace during conflicts cultivates a healthier, more understanding partnership.
• Self-Talk: Positive self-talk and managing internal narratives about your partner are crucial for a successful relationship.

Carol Bruess Quotes

“Our relationships need daily deposits… of affirmation, kindness served with grace and positive self-talk.”
“We all need playful moments. A shared delight means a shared set of endorphins in your body, and then you get to share it with each other. A powerful moment of experience.”
“These moments of language sharing are little moments of ritual. And they do a whole host of really profound things for our marriages. They build a connection. They bond us. They say to the other person, I know you in a way that no one else does.”
“Be generous with your time and your resources and with giving credit and especially with your words.”
“We have to prioritize face-to-face micro-moments where we are with each other because we have a loneliness epidemic.”
“If something is important to you and me as a ritual of connection in our relationship, in our marriage or our friendship or our family, it’s because we’ve given it meaning.”
“We have to expect anything worthwhile to take a long time.”

ABOUT CAROL J. BRUESS, PhD
Relationship Social Scientist, Author, Speaker, Radical Encourager

Carol Bruess has a PhD in relationship communication and is Professor Emeritus of Communication and Family Studies at the University of St. Thomas, MN. She serves as a Scholar in Residence for Relationships & Dialogue at the College of St. Benedict and St. John’s University, Minnesota. The author of five books, she has a popular TEDx Talk “Are All Relationships Messy?” and has published her research in dozens of peer-reviewed journals and books. Dedicated to translating research into actionable, practical tools for creating human connection, she is a University of Washington / Gottman Relationship Institute, Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work Certified Educator, and a highly sought-after provider of community-based workshops on nurturing healthy families and marriages. Carol is also a contributing writer at TED.com on human interaction and has given more than 400 TV, podcast, radio, and media interviews, including MPR, NPR, CBS, NBC, ABC, The New York Times, and PBS. She’s been married for 32 years to St. Bens/St. John’s president, Dr. Brian Bruess, and they have two adult children (Tony, 28, a tech entrepreneur living in Manhattan, New York; and Gracie, 24, a second-year med student in Wisconsin). They also have one 4-legged child: 95lb Bernedoodle George, a certified therapy dog who is happily serving CSB+SJU students as puppy-in-residence. A lifelong artist and creator, Carol was recently appointed by Minnesota Governor Walz to serve as one of 11 members of the Minnesota State Arts Board. She loves sewing with vintage fabrics, doing headstands, and sipping an IPA non-alcoholic beer—not all at the same time.

Carol’s Website
Carol’s TED.com articles

Carol’s Books Click on each cover to learn more

 

 

 

Mentioned in Episode 35

Wedding Podcast Network Lovecast Show #11 with Carol Bruess & Anna Kudak – What Happy Couples Do

Jonathan Haidt
Jonathon Haidt’s Book: The Anxious Generation is a guide on addressing anxiety in the digital age.

Maria Popova and The Marginalian, a record of our search for meaning: sometimes through science and philosophy, sometimes through poetry and children’s books, always through the lens of wonder

Esther Perel 
Esther Perel Podcast ‘Where Should We Begin?’ 

Suggested Reading on “Daily Deposits”
Everyday Ways to Fill Your Emotional Bank Account
Invest in Your Relationship: The Emotional Bank Account

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